Quest 3: Kidnapping (Blogging Anniversary)

Brigg and Dianne said...
I'm curious to know what happened with the boyfriend kidnapping you mentioned on Facebook. If it's too emotional or scarring then you don't have to answer. As an alternative, you could post some pictures of your cruise vacations and just reminisce.

Well, Dianne, I was not expecting to get a question like this. However, I did say to ask me anything, so I will do my best to give this story justice. I honestly don't mind answering this, because I feel like it's a part of my history, and I'm sure my children and predecessors will find it interesting. (Just remember there are two sides to every story. Unfortunately, I only know my side. I would love to hear my ex's version, though, because I would like to know what he was thinking during this drama, but I guess we're just left with my memory and thoughts.)

Let me give you some background information to set this story up:

When I was in high school, I met a guy at the opening football game (at our Sportsarama), who went to my rival school. We were introduced by a common friend. We hit it off really well, so I gave him my phone number, hoping to talk to him further after the game. He was charming, and quite good looking, I thought. He successfully lured me into his circle of trust by showering me with his attention. He was always complimenting me and making me feel special. Consequently, I accepted his invitation to date him when he asked.

Things went really well for a few months. I absolutely adored him! Because of this attraction, we discussed the idea of him transfering schools to be closer to me. I must admit the idea was very exciting, and the thought of having my boyfriend closer seemed cool, so I encouraged him to do so. However, things changed rapidly between us once he arrived. He began to get overly possessive, and he felt threatened by glances or attention that I got from others. He couldn't handle seeing people be friendly with me. He even became jealous of my friends (girls). He wanted all of my time to be spent with him, because he was very nervous that he would lose me to someone else. He began to smother me with his obsessiveness. Unfortunately, his worry got progressively worse, and he began to act out in rage, especially when he thought I was being tempted by other guys. He began to get physical with me: he threw me up against the lockers, and held me there with his hands around my neck. He jerked me around like a rag doll, by squeezing my arms real tight, yanking me where he wanted me to go. He even pulled a knife on me, and held it to my throat. (I will say he never hit me, though. Nonetheless, he was very threatening.) He became quite scary! It's like he had a split personality. One minute he would be sweet and loving, and then the next he would snap and become someone totally different. I could literally see his demeanor switch within a fraction of a second right before my eyes, being triggered by some unexpected thing. Because of his obsessive outbursts, I knew that it was not healthy for me to be with him. I tried to pull away, but doing so caused his outbursts and anger to get worse. Consequently, he had me scared to leave him. Although I was "officially" his girlfriend, my heart and mind were drifting far from him. Of course, other guys seemed much more appealing than he did at that time.

I started talking to a couple of guys as "friends." This infuriated him!!! (as you can imagine) This triggered his desperation even further. I would break up, and then he would threaten me. Therefore, I'd get back with him. This became quite the ritual between us. One particular occasion, we were broken up, and I was at my track practice after school. I had arranged for a friend (boy) to pick me up. This friend was in from out of town, so I thought it would be nice to see him, and told him to come by and get me. Well, my ex was informed that I was off with this guy. Therefore, in a panicked rage, he charged to my house! When he got there, it was only me, my friend, and my older sister home. We locked the doors when we saw him coming, but he was able to bust in anyway. He grabbed me and took me out of the house. He threw me in his truck, sat on top of me, so I couldn't move, and drove off. (Let me just say, my ex was really buff. He was very strong and way more developed than your average high school kid.) He literally abducted me and had me scared to death. He was yelling and saying things like, "I can't live with you, and I can't live without you, so I'm just going to kill us both!" He was racing his truck at very high speeds and said he was just going to slam us into something so we would both die. I was screaming, crying, and pleading for my life! After much panic and negotiation, I convinced him to not follow through with his threats. However, I was only able to do so by agreeing to get back with him again. He bullied me back into the relationship once more. He dropped me off down the street from my house, because there were police around. I walked back and had to go through all kinds of interrogations and paperwork. It was a mess!

Anyway, Dianne, to try to shorten this story (since I could go on forever about our volatile experiences together--there are many), it sufficeth me to say that I was able to finally get him to let me go...obviously. It did take a friend of mine escorting me to my classes (my body guard, so to speak), and the school calling the police after he exploded on me, ripping my necklace off, and trying to grab me, and him finally realizing that he had messed up so bad that there was just not a remedy for it. He reluctantly gave up and let me go. Fortunately, he didn't kill me. Thank God...literally! There were many times that I worried that he would. When I see tv shows or movies about this sort of thing, I can sense very intensely the emotion behind the cycle of fear, and I feel blessed that my story didn't end in death like so many women's do. (With that said, I did speak to him about this on one occasion, and he assured me that he would have never hurt me. He said he was immature and didn't know how to handle the situation, but was adament that he would not have done anything to hurt me. He was just trying to scare me...well, mission accomplished!)

The ironic thing is that the one thing he was most afraid of happening, did in fact transpire BECAUSE of the way he was acting to try to prevent it. It was illogical, because I never would have broken up with him, if he had not been so overly obsessive and acted out in fear. It was that action that drove me away. It bothers me that someone could be so polar opposite in their thinking. He was indeed a charmer, but he was also mean and couldn't deal with his anger. I think medication would have helped him. It's sad that one can have such potential, but then waste it away over illogical actions.

I've tried to teach my boys to be careful in their relationships. I'm concerned that they will be tempted to have obsessive tendencies, but I've talked to them about it. I've told them that obsession comes because of fear. However, the one thing they may be trying to protect and don't want to lose WILL be lost if they try to force their will on others and give into the compulsion of jealousy. Men need to have confidence and just be themselves--Not make irrational decisions because of worry.
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Dianne, I know that was an ear full. I tried to make it as short as possible. It's hard to put over a year's worth of information in a couple of paragraphs. There is indeed a lot to this story, and I assure you I was not a perfect girlfriend, so I don't want to give you that impression, but he did what he did, and it is what it is.

Anymore questions? I'm an open book!