Dreams

This post is not meant to get a response. I'm just journaling.

I am usually a very peaceful sleeper. Nothing tends to wake or disturb me. On top of this luxury, I usually don't remember having dreams. I sleep so sound that I don't ever remember having any type of subconscious experience. However, within the last couple of weeks, I have had two very disturbing nightmares.

The first one overcame me so powerfully that it caused me to move and make noises during my slumber. That has NEVER happened to me before. It actually woke my husband up and caused him concern. During this dream I felt an evil presence surrounding me, so much so that I thought it was overtaking me and entering my body. I couldn't see it, only felt it. In this dream I was in a room with my husband, and I was trying desperately to get his attention so that he could save me from this devilish company. I was terribly frightened and needed to be saved. There was nothing I could do for myself. I needed an outside source to assist and protect me. Of course, I turned to my hubby for rescue. Unfortunately, though, he couldn't sense the evil, and was very unaware of what I was experiencing. To complicate things, I couldn't speak or move. Mentally, I was in anguish, but physically I couldn't do anything about it. I tried repetitively and desperately to get him to see what was going on, but NOTHING would come out of my mouth. In REALITY, however, my rigor to exhibit this call for help, actually made me move and moan out loud in my sleep. My husband reached over and woke me up, asking me if I was okay. My heart was racing so hard! I told him what I had dreamed and we discussed its meaning. My husband gave me some of the greatest counsel that he has ever given me.

The most recent nightmare occured this weekend. It was extrememly brief, lasting just seconds, but nonetheless profound. I dreamt I was driving a car, and was on a curved incline road--like an exit ramp (the ones that are high above the ground). As I was making the turn, my power steering went out. Fear flooded over me, for I sensed my death approaching. I knew I couldn't turn the vehicle, so I knew I would consequently fall over the ledge and tumble to my demise. The only way to avoid this scenerio was to SLAM on the brakes really hard. This braking motion woke me up, with my heart beating profusely.

I know that these dreams have a very personal and significant meaning to me. My thoughts have been tormenting me. I've had a lot of temptation bombard me lately, and I know that these dreams have been a warning from my Heavenly Father to stay clear from the ambush that is surrounding me. I have been racked on every side and have felt almost helpless in my circumstances. Hence, the desperate search for help from my hubby. My husband has always been a backbone for me. He is a true savior when I need him. My first dream indicates his role in my life. I knew I could turn to him, and I wanted franctily for him to know of my condition. My second dream is a clear indication that I have got to get my thoughts IMMEDIATELY cleared, or I will be approaching danger head on. Slamming on the brakes is metaphorical for the need of urgency.

As an interesting note, last week during this struggle, our Bishop called my husband. He had a deep impression to tell my husband to give me a blessing. He said that I kept coming to his mind, and felt I needed to have a priesthood blessing. He had no idea what was going on, but the Spirit directed him to offer this service. He told my husband to tell me to prepare, starting on Wednesday and then receive my blessing on Sunday. I felt an overwhelming sense of love come over me. I knew that my Heavenly Father had heard my pleas for help. He sent an inpired and sensitive Bishop to give a message just for me.

I cannot express the gratitude that I feel right now. I know that the Lord is aware of my every thought. His concern and love for my well-being has penetrated my soul.

Furthermore, we had friends from SC visit us this past week while all of this was going on. Being in their presence added to this experience. I had a strong impression come over me while I was out with them. We were eating dinner at Maggiano's and discussing spiritual things. After listening to a special experience that Minnie had, I knew that there was NO WAY I wanted to compromise my standing with the Lord and miss out on the opportunity that was afforded her, through making a stupid mistake. I came home feeling refreshed and glad for my reminder of what awaits those who perservere in righteousness.

These last few weeks have been torture for me, yet awakening at the same time. I have realized that Satan never sleeps. I have lived a good, wholesome life for SO LONG that I had kind of given myself the impression that I was above temptation. I felt I would never fall or crumble, or deviate in the slightest degree. However, I felt extremely drawn to the enticings of the adversary. It came unexpectedly, without any warning, without any signal. It came and pounded me to the ground! I am so glad I didn't succumb. I am relieved that I fought a good fight, regardless of the pain that it took to do so. I realize that Satan lies in wait. He might wait years to be given the perfect opportunity to attack, especially to those who are not easily manipulated. However, when the door of opportunity opens, he pounces! I gained a testimony that it is important to be ready at all times. I know that I must never let my guard down, and must never feel like I am above the adversary's grasp. I love the relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father. I love that he protects me, and sends warnings for my good. His extended hand never ceases, and that brings me great comfort. I am also eternally grateful for my husband. He is a pillar of strength and discernment for me. His determination to love and protect me from every onslaught makes me love him even more. He has been a shield to me in many ways, and his companionship is beyond value. I'm grateful for his guiding wisdom, and appreciate that he loves me, despite myself. He has been, and always will be, my eternal counterpart. We make a great team and I feel indebted to him!!!

I am indeed thankful for my Savior. I am grateful for His sacrifices on my behalf. I know that he sends messages to us in our dire circumstances. He will lift us if we will accept his help. He is constantly at our beck and call, and rushes to our side when we need him. With the Easter season approaching, I feel a greater sense of his life. I pray that I will never falter or part from His ways. To be steadfast and immovable is my mission. What more can I say?