Humble Pill

It's really hard when you realize you've made a mistake...at least it is for me. Unfortunately, I made a mistake that was witnessed by a multitude of people...well, a small multitude. Nonetheless, it was in front of others and for that I am irritated.

Today I taught a lesson in Relief Society and I did something outside of my norm: I relied on my own intellect to teach...big mistake! Because I felt uncomfortable with my topic, I decided, of course, to get as much information as possible on the subject beforehand. However, my preparations gave me such an information overload that when I was teaching, my brain couldn't focus. I had a lot of unorganized thoughts and I felt myself jumping around in nonsense as I spoke. In the moment, I had no idea what I should say and stress. The things that I thought initially would be important, became an afterthought once I was into my lesson. I kept changing my mind and shifting gears because, I hate to say this, quite honestly, I didn' t have a clue.

Why did I not have a clue? Well, because I was relying too much on myself and the things I had learned than on the Spirit. I felt I needed to articulate and spew out information, rather than direct a discussion around the gospel principles. What was I thinking?! Oh, the anguish! Uh, it kills me. Why would I do that? I NEVER do that! Normally, I try to help others see the importance of bringing the Spirit into classrooms by instructing them to ask really good thought provoking questions that will spark a tidal wave of discussion and stimulate the workings of the Spirit. I encourage others to make their classroom setting a conducive atmospere where pure testimony and experiences will naturally surface and be shared, resulting in edification. I know this technique works. More importantly, though, I know it compels the Spirit to become the instructor and the teacher, more or less, a moderator.

Today, I did not do that. Fortunately, I learned a beautiful lesson in humility. I learned that I MUST rely on my Savior. I am nothing of myself. The Lord truly sustains me in all that I do. The moment I think I am wise, I am reminded in my mistakes that I am not. I am only an instrument when I allow the Lord to work through me. If I am trying to do things on my own, I'm blocking Him out, and am left to myself. Today, I learned what it's like to be left to myself. I don't want that happening again. I definitely want and need the support and sustaining hand of my Savior guiding me through all of my endeavors. For those of you who had to suffer through my class, I'm sorry. I promise to do better next time.

My husband did give me some encouraging words. He said, "Baby! When the Savior taught and went out among men, he had multitudes who came to listen. There were some who walked away edified and others who walked away with nothing. Baby, know that you may not have touched everyone, but you probably touched someone. Even if it was only ONE, it was a success." I appreciated this comment because I do feel that there was ONE person who needed to hear my remarks, not naming names. However, I'm still humbled in my experience and I commit to do better.