It's Been Awhile...Got to record some FEELINGS!

I have had so many feelings that I've wanted to express in my blog lately, but because I have been soooo far behind with blogging, I haven't done it. I've just been trying to play catch up.[You see, over the summer I took a little time and posted some things from this year (January to April, since my last post was in December), but now that school is back in, I'm not really sure how much more I can get caught up with. Ugghh!] Welllllllll, I can't wait any longer to express myself...I just need to go ahead and post my feelings when they surface, instead of waiting until I catch up with our family's activities...because let's be honest...that may NEVER happen!

First off: I have learned some very valuable lessons this year. One of which is that... I am not Super Woman. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you already knew that, but sadly I didn't. ;) ...haha...true story! Well, for some reason I've always felt that I could take on anything, do anything, and shine successfully in the midst of any challenge. WHY I believed that...I DO NOT know!!!!!! Unfortunately, life has slapped me in the face and showed me that I was totally wrong...go figure! Yes, I needed humbling. And, as fate would have it, I had to learn the hard way. Hmmm...Let's see...to be exact...what I learned is that I am only as powerful as the degree to which I give attention to the Lord and his counsel. Indeed, the degree of help that I receive from the Lord is relevant to the effort that I put into him. Who knew!!!!? haha...Yes, when I lose focus, then I also lose the assistance of the Savior, and God will leave me to do things on my own. All I have to do is feel that I am invincible, and he will send circumstances my way to show me that I need to rely on him...not pretty! Y'all knew that already, I'm sure. Just as I did. However, accepting something in theory and living that principle are two different things. I will have to admit that my mind has been foggy for the past year and a half, becoming distracted by insignificant things (Let me just insert right here that there is no need to let your mind wander about me...I'm not evil). I've had a difficult time harnassing the help that I've needed from the Lord, but rightfully so, because of my neglect. I ever so slightly shifted my perspective so, consequently, I diminished part of the Spirit that resided with me. After a while, I began to notice the difference in my wisdom. I became aware of my inability to articulate such simple truths...it was something that I missed terribly. Speaking with profoundness was a gift that I took for granted. However, I became acutely aware of my inadequecies and missed the beautiful, articulating words that used to be mine (that were given ultimately by my sacred companion, not me)...for I watched them disappear and they became ever so distant as I cluttered my mind with nonsense. Okay, truth be told...that was a living hell to me! To have a special gift ripped out form underneath me was true torture. I was so used to being eloquent that when it was gone, it was very foreign, shocking, and disheartening. Lesson learned: Be humble, follow counsel, stay focused!!!! Even the slightest changes in our devotion can wreak havoc on our souls. I can't get lazy in life. It's too precious to me!

Lesson #2: I NEED my family, especially my husband. He is such a driving force within me! He is the catalyst that pushes me toward greatness (notice I said "toward," because I'm not there YET...lol). His belief in me is beyond anything I can describe. Whenever I have self-doubts or faltering attitudes, he has a way to soothe my soul and refocus my mind to appropriate perspectives. I feel blessed to have him as a companion! I often take him for granted. I guess because he has convinced me of his undying devotion to me that I've never worried about how I treat him, knowing that he'll always be by my side as my biggest supporter and fan. It's sad really that I have overlooked the most important person in my life. Honestly, when I think of my future, the only constant that I invision is my husband. My kids will leave, my circumstances will change, but the one thing that will remain true will be my eternal companion, my beloved husband! I have got to be better at helping him feel loved, wanted, needed, and cherished as he has always done for me. He is the best at nurturing...me not so good! I love my husband more than anything in this world!!! He is amazing! As I am in school and devoting SO MANY HOURS to studies, I realize I need to be more mindful of the one who means the most to me. =)

Lesson #3: My parents took an Alaskan trip this summer (they drove from SC all the way to Alaska!!! did not fly!!! unbelievable!!!) and one of the places that they visited and learned about was Mount McKinley. This mountain is 21,000 ft. above sea level and provides an amazing experience for those who try to set out and climb it. Not all who choose this adventure get to the top...only 52%. Much is required of those who are successful. Now as my parents were telling me about this great mountainous undertaking and what is required of those who try (they didn't do it, of course), I immediately began to think of marriage (partly because my Bishop made a comment that he wanted me to talk on marriage at church soon--ugh--haha...so for those who are in my ward, I apologize because you may hear this again!). Let me share my analogy that the spirit so eloquently shared with me...it may help someone else as it did I, although I will not actually make the connections for you. Come up with your own meaning:

First off, take note of the statistic that I already gave: only 52% are actually successful. Those who make it are ones who PREPARE WELL before they begin--listening to those who have gone before, training, and gaining whatever knowledge they can acquire to accomplish their mission! In addition, in order to make it to the top, there has to be a TEAM. Noone can ever make it alone! Plus, the team that is chosen has to be SELECTED CAREFULLY. It has to consist of ones you can TRUST AND DEPEND ON. The mountain is very treacherous and dangerous, with many pitfalls and trials that come quickly and harshly. The STORMS ARE ITS BIGGEST CHALLENGE, and when the storms come the people journeying have to lay down opposite of each other (head to feet/feet to head) and BE STILL and wait out the weather, hunkering down, often for long periods of time. The couples are joined together, and only get through it as they CONNECT WITH OPPOSITE POSITIONS. Also, to be able to withstand the atmospheric changes, the team has to MAKE ADJUSTMENTS every 1000 ft. They have to allow their bodies to make the proper changes, not hastening through, but PATIENTLY EMBRACING THE CHANGES that come. Not only does the weather pose a huge risk and provide extreme and painful temperatures, but the unseen pitfalls also endanger the travelers. To encounter these problems, the team is tied together with a rope. There is always a leader who is the SCOUT FOR PROBLEMS. The leader CHOOSES HIS STEPS CAREFULLY, trying to stay on peaks, and pokes the ground with a cane to try to look for holes or danger. His job is to minimize trouble. With so much snow that is blown around from whirlwinds, there are many pitfalls that surround the teams. Unfortunately, they can't be seen. Therefore, other means have to be taken to escape them. COMMUNICATION is vitally important and LISTENING TO THE LEADER is paramount. Turns are often taken for who is in the lead. However, even with the best precautions, members of the team often fall. When one falls, YOU PICK THE OTHER UP. You have to rescue your partnership—where one has a weakness or faltering ground, another has a firm foundation. It's during those instances that help is truly needed. The person fallen in the deep crevice can't help themself. It requires the assistance of the team, and ENCOURAGEMENT AND AN UPLIFTING HAND is given. When teammates seem defeated or want to give up, ecouragement (not belittling) saves them. And, it's often at the end of the journey that it is the hardest. It's when the team is about to make it, or break through, that the challenge is at it's greatest. Teammates are exhausted and worn down, but holding on a little longer...ENDURING TO THE END...gives the team the success and experience of a lifetime. One may ask, "Why would anyone want to attempt something like that, going through so much trouble, difficulty, torture, and agony along the way?" It's because it’s what’s at the end—realization of completion—growth in the experience!!! The ones who make it are truly great and changed forever! They've BECOME ONE indeed! ;)

I would elaborate on what I believe these things can mean, but instead I will let you form your own opinion. The spirit speaks to us all in different ways, and I'm sure whatever you need to learn for your marriage will be given to you. We all may take something different for ourself. I hope there is atleast one thing that will be helpful to you...

More thoughts and feelings to come...hopefully soon.... =)